%&$#@!

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I’ve been cursing like a sailor recently. Like, I got some deep soul aggression to let off in the universe. I used to be super careful about flying off at the handle with these words but no other words fit what I need to say at this time in my life.

I think it’s because my characters curse a lot in my fiction work. They love to go clean off in conversation. Especially the women. Especially the main character in my story. She’s in seminary but she will let those words fly like an airport. It’s a part of her rebellious nature, it’s her way to not feel like she’s boxed in by these rules that say that she can’t say those things. She can’t be tamed.

Guess that’s like me.

I used to love saying “fudge” and “jimmity christmas”. I love a good “ish.” The n-word only comes out when I’m angry. Or when a dude has got on my last nerves. He deserves some appropriated vitriol from me. I try not to say it often. We off that. But sometimes, you try me the right way… it’s on.

Oh! I like “fuzz” too!

But that good ol’ F-U… dropped from my lips just hours ago. And it felt so good.

Because it fits how I felt.

Like, look at how my heart is acting. Look at how much self-control I have. Look, girl, at what I have to deal with. Look at what just left my house.

That word fits everything that I feel.

It’s my favorite for a reason.

F***.

This is my attempt to write every day in July. To read more, follow the hashtag #wedj2019!

Memoirist in spirit and in truth. Christian essayist when both the spirit and truth move me. email: crjtwrites[at]gmail.com

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