A Never-ending Season of Lament, Part III

I know that when justice comes, crooks are to be terrified. Justice didn’t come today and the crooks willed it to be so. And the American criminal justice system is as crooked and terrifying as they come. So is Scripture lying to me? Is Proverbs mocking us in the midst of our lifetime? Or our Your people so lost that they can’t find their way back to what You created us to be: whole.

In wholeness, a woman died by gunfire. In her bed, next to her love. In wholeness, Black people mourned. In wholeness, Black people screamed until our lungs collapsed: ‘arrest the cops that killed Breonna Taylor’. In wholeness, we watched White people fall into a catatonic states of fake rage and coerced epiphanies. In wholeness, when it was announced that her killers would not be brought to justice, only Black people felt called to say something.

In wholeness, I’m okay if it remains to be this way. If only we speak, if only we mourn, if only we lash out, if only we engage. It’s wired into our DNA to never disassociate from pain and suffering. We have to respond.

I want to be shocked by injustice. I want to be shocked by Black death. I’m not. I wish I had that privilege. White people do. We don’t. Black pain and Black suffering are as commonplace as the air we breathe. I wish we could be naive to those things. But we have to live with knowing that every time this does happen, we have to will ourselves to be present.

To disappear. What a world it would be like if police misconduct, judicial incompetence and state-sanctioned death disappeared. How present are our bodies laying in the streets?

Buildings with bullets matter more than a body riddled with one. This is where we are.

Where do you want us? Always on our knees asking you “Why?” For what? What’s the benefit? You have the power to answer us and you don’t. We have to decipher through conjecture whether or not the world gives a damn about us. You sent angels before. Who can You send now to show us the way out of this hell? I know you didn’t manufacture this purgatory but at this point, who else is there to call responsible?

I know You are not a God that sees more value in property than people. They did. I know You are not a God who lets criminals escape their punishment. They did. I know You are not a God who allows maleficent leadership reign supreme. They did. I know You are not a God who allows victory for the Pharisee. They did. They did everything against what You, God, call to be just and righteous and yet they win.

They won.

I know Godly justice reigns over earthly justice but as I’ve seen in your Word, when earthly justice isn’t met, God will insert Her power. You wiped out peoples and lands because they failed to express love. We can’t even get a police officer arrested for carrying out acts devoid of such things.

Now a world is devoid of a woman who never got a chance to be her full self and actualize her dreams. You created this world so I ask You: What are You going to do about it?

Memoirist in spirit and in truth. Christian essayist when both the spirit and truth move me. email: crjtwrites[at]gmail.com

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