Introduction: Let’s #BreakFree.

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“It still sucks.”

In a moment of clarity, I realize that Christianity’s almost universal triumphant character and nature can oftentimes make it hard for someone to admit when aspects of their lives aren’t going to plan. It’s almost like admitting in blasphemy that God isn’t, on face value, working, and that is somehow a reflection on our faith as a whole. That it isn’t all rainbows and sunshine as we’ve been spoonfed for it to be. And unfortunately, as being walking missionaries, taught to non-believers.

Redemption exists but you have to suffer to get there first. We don’t talk about the suffering. There’s a fear in that.

We’ve made ‘honesty’ brave and not expected. We’ve made ‘openness’ to be gut wrenching and not a normal exercise of self-care. In ways, we’ve made ‘self-care’ to be a last resort and not an everyday act toward survival. And selfish. And not of God’s work.

We’ve made our prayers public to God but private to everyone else. We may not speak it but God already knows it. So if God knows, it was never in hiding. So why hide it from others? Where does that fear come from?

#BreakFree is a 12-part series exploring what it’s like to live with fear inside of the Kingdom. Not by the fear of judgement but of condemnation from ourselves and from others, those who are inherently here to support you.

At its conclusion, I hope the series allows for us to break free from stigmas that prevent us from being honest and open to those who walk with us. God created us to be in community for a reason. Because when it feels hopeless, you’ll need others to carry you through. But if they don’t know, how can your community be there to catch you when you ultimately fall? Because we all do.

And there should be no fear in admitting that.


— Ciara

Memoirist in spirit and in truth. Christian essayist when both the spirit and truth move me. email: crjtwrites[at]

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