I’m super fascinated by people who search out for God to fix their singleness but not themselves.

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There is an entire cadre of sermons on YouTube about relationships. There is one video in particular that has surpassed 1.4 million views since its release last year. That is about 39,000 views per day. That’s a lot of searching single folk.

And let me save you some time: I stopped watching the series that video is a part of when it took somewhat of a problematic turn, which I knew it would. I think there is a way to address someone’s past with the same grace that God placed upon us for living it. No one wants to hear it be ridiculed even if you know you should have done better. And to be real, if you’re going to go that far to explicitly display your disgust for someone’s past life decisions, you better exalt the concepts of grace and mercy. It better come all the way back to Jesus. It didn’t, so I quit. But again, I get it.

Through all of that, I understand why people clamor to know the way out of loneliness. We have been taught through popular culture that completeness comes from couple-dom. We’re all about ‘bae’ goals and relationship YouTube accounts. Your importance is measured by how important you are to someone else. It’s all a fairy tale come true. Prince Charming to finding your Queen.

But you don’t need another person to validate your worthiness to wear any crown. You shouldn’t be searching for crowns in the first place. You should be searching for you.

There’s nothing wrong with searching for you. You can’t make two without you. Mad people show up empty in places where their presence is necessary for the situation to exist. You’ve ever seen two empty, broken souls try to exist as one? It’s impossible. It never works.

But I get it. If anyone can fix your problem, it’s God. What can’t God do? I’ve learned in my walk that sometimes God’s way of fixing things is by not giving you what you want. What you think you need is really a want and God doesn’t want that for you. But you know what God may need from you? Solitude. For you to be on your own. In community always but on your own.

God will give you what you need in community that a romantic relationship just isn’t going to give you at the moment. Because if you’re so worried about being by yourself, community means that you don’t have to be. If you’re so concerned about not having someone that cares about you, community gives you multiple people to check in on you.

You have what you need. Search for it.

This is my attempt to write every day for the month of July. Follow me on Medium using the #wedj2018 or on Twitter (@crjwrites).

Memoirist in spirit and in truth. Christian essayist when both the spirit and truth move me. email: crjtwrites[at]gmail.com

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