She Ain’t Fast
I quit on the Joe Budden Podcast. I do.
A human being with a pulse followed up a conversation about R. Kelly federal charges with a theory that some girls are just “fast” and that you know a “fast girl” when you see one is just … do better, family. But that’s where we are. Still in this antiquated and asinine world about preconceived notions about Black girls’ sexuality. A notion that allowed for an R. Kelly to roam free and unchecked for years.
I’m tired of people prescribing sexual behavior onto bodies. You don’t know the reason and the rational as to why folks do what they do. Yet we dig so hard to find a resolution which usually leads to the victim being stripped of their victimhood.
It’s always her fault. It’s never the 30-year-old dude who screams “ayo!” at the crowd of teenage girls walking home from school. It’s never the uncle who y’all knew had a problem but he still gets invited to family cookouts. It’s never the athlete who has a reputation for not taking no for an answer but his jump shot is wet. It’s never them.
It’s those fast ass little girls. It’s always them. It’s always us.
God, I hate that term “fast”. I hate how we’ve stripped Black women of their sexual agency in order to keep White folks comfortable. So we don’t “seduce” their husbands. They called us fast first, remember? I hate how we used the church to shame Black girls. Because “fast” girls go to Hell. Let us exorcise the sexual demons out of our little girls.
Our boys are cool. They’re the carnal ones. They are acting out human nature. Eve was the temptress, remember. So it’s always a woman’s fault.
We refuse to do the work to learn, lean in and love. It’s easier to label. We wouldn’t dare pull baby girl aside and ask her what happened or try to understand why she thinks her behavior is okay. We’re ready to throw her under the bus though. Why? Because we’ve built and curated the environment that allowed for all of this to happen. You didn’t love on her enough. You didn’t care about her enough. You weren’t present when she needed you. So she ran to some dude.
And you have to reconcile with the fact that as a community, we failed that girl. You failed that girl. Failed her miserably. Because baby girl just wants to be seen in a place where everyone — even the people who claim to love her — ignore her.
Hurt manifests through many different avenues. Sex is one of them. The hurt is the problem, not the sex. Not her being fast.
It’s her being hurt. Let’s fix the hurt.
This is my attempt to write every day in July. To read more, follow the hashtag #wedj2019!